Wouldn´t it be great if we could all have exceptionally fulfilling sex lifes? If we had love making sessions lasting for hours, experiencing full body orgasms, bliss and altered states of consciousness. If sex would´t only be another pleasure but a means to create lasting connections of love, rendering states of oneness, If it would still be orgasmic after years of relationship, instead of losing it´s appeal. Not possible?
Yes, Tantra makes it possible.
Most of us, coming from a christian background however, grew up believing that sex is something dirty, closely connected to sin and shame. Holding on to such disempowering believes we are not able tomove into Tantra. We need to see sex as what it is:
A uniquely powerful opportunity to open into love with another being.
Tantra being a unique spiritual system carries the message to embrace all of life and with that also sexuality. Moreover it points out the benefits of using its power not only for mere personal satisfaction but for spiritual progress. Tantrics discovered that it can be used as a tool for transcendence and realizing oneness with another being. To go into such profound states a lot of trust and openness is required. We need to render ourselves fully vulnerable, risking to be severely wounded. That is the way of Tantra.
If you still have a closed heart or use Tantra only as a means of personal gratification it won´t allow you to go deep. To be clear, Tantra has not been designed to get lost in sexual addiction but to move so deep into it, that sex itself will finally be transcended. Obviously one can easily trick himself, falling into an endless pit of lust instead of being liberated. The path of Tantra is as tricky as licking honey from a razer blade or riding on the back of a tiger.
With that Tantra forces practitioners to look closely at their own shit and grow out of it. All false and artificial masks will be revealed and have to be dropped sooner or later, as they can´t remain if the couple wants to go full on. If both lovers are vulnerable and trusting each other, real growth will happen.
Now reading this, you might wonder: How is this possible? How can I have sex for hours and built up the energy.
What we usually see is a man who ejaculates and then that´s pretty much it. He is done, finished, died a small death and feels depleted of vital energy and wants to sleep. Unfortunately this mostly happens before the woman had her orgasm and therefore she tries to rush herself into a quick and shallow clitoral orgasm.
The trick of Tantra is to keep the sexual energy within instead of dispersing it through ejaculation or explosive clitoral orgasms.
Here a very impotant one for the guys: Orgasm is not equal to ejaculation.
Orgasm is an energetic event whereas ejaculation is a physical happening. Both are only connected by social conditioning. now the good news: As you have been conditioned to link both to each other you can reprogram yourself and thus separate orgasm from ejaculation.
As a man you might ask: Sex without ejaculation? Why? What is my return?
Honestly the return is a hundred fold more rewarding than ejaculation. You as a man simply need to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation. Once you are able to do that you will be able to experience the joy of repeated and full body orgasms in only one love making session and there will be no feeling of severe exhaustion any longer. On the contrary through your own enhanced orgasmic potential as well as through the orgasms of your partner you are going to be buzzing with energy even after hours of intercourse.
In order to stop yourself from ejaculating you do need to know a few techniques in order to move the energy or the sexual energy of your partner will overpower you. As you move into love making sexual energy usually accumulates at the level of your genitals, the svadhisthana chakra. The energy gets bigger and bigger and as it stays at that level you will at some point lose control and ejaculate. If you however learn to move the energy up along the chakras and thereby transform it, you can keep on going for as long as you want to. This is why tantric love making usually lasts several hours and then finally ends up for both livers in a meditative state. Therefore you need to be able to move sexual energy along the chakras. If your body however is full of toxins from using drugs, alcohol and unhealthy food, you will most likely not be able to move up the energy as the chakras and the energy channels are blocked. Purification is necessary, physically as well as emotionally. Emotionally means, being able to stay present to your negative emotions and thereby letting them go, instead of repressing them and thereby pushing them deep into your system, into the subconscious mind. The physical types of purification are a healthy vegetarian diet, no drugs, no alcohol and using the Kriya techniques of purification.
A few tools to work with for men:
The following techniques will allow you to move the energy from your genitals (swadhisthana chakra) up along the spine to your head (ajna and sahasrara chakra) and thereby you will be able to keep on going without ejaculation.
1. Uddiyana Bandha: One of the strongest sublimation excercises. Here you get a profound explanation by one of my great friends and Yoga teachers Amitayus.
2. Focusing on the middle of the forehead makes the sexual energy move up from your genitals. You can even ask your partner to touch the middle of your forehead and turn your eyes towards it.
3. Applying Mula Bandha, the contraction of the muscles of your pelvic floor in order to move up the energy. It is the same contraction you use when urinating, stopping the stream.
4. Your partner may stroke you from the base of your spine up to your head to turn your attention away from your lingam (penis) to the upward flow of energy.
For man learning to be continent and separate orgasm from ejaculation is usually way more difficult than for women. Women are built for full body orgasms by nature. Therefore a man needs a lot of discipline and has to stay far away from the point of no return in the beginning of his tantric path. Even harder is his reconditioning as so many men are in love with their ejaculation and see little benefit in refraining from it. I can only tell from my own experience it will increase the quality of your sexualty as well as your daily life. As he progresses, a man will learn how to easily sublime sexual energy and cultivate his full orgasmic potential.
To me encountering Tantra at a young age of 21, refraining from ejaculation luckily seemed very natural. I had always disliked ejaculation, as I felt done and deprived of my vitality in the aftermath. Ejaculation was even connected to feelings of shame and inferiority. When I heard that it was taking away not only sexual but overall vital life energy, I finally understood that my feelings made sense. Thus starting out on the tantric path turned into a wonderful adventure. Even though admittedtly it still turned out to be very difficult. I used to be such a shy person, not even being able to flirt or approach a woman. Slowly and by facing my fears I managed to have my first tantric experiences. Looking back now, they weren´t the greatest I had, but already better than the average sex I used to have. Anyhow, I was not able yet to open my heart and was drawn towards sexual selfgratification through having lots of sex with many different partners. I was proofing myself with how many lovers I could engage and how many great sexual experiences I could have and how many women I could satisfy. It took me two years of tantra practise and a constant looking at my dark side, until I was finally ready to be vulnerable and open up. Since then my sex life has further improved immensely. Now I know how it feels when melting into another person, becoming one, when the mind vanishes, and only awe remains.
Explaining the tantric path of a woman is admittedly not my strength as I am not speaking from experience.
For women it is usually easier to orgasm. However many are traumatized from insensitive sexual intercourse, during which the man as an example entered the vagina too early before the woman was ready. Such forceful intercourse leaves blockages in the tissue of a woman´s vagina, not to speak of abuse or rape.
Then there are women without such tensions, who are able to orgasm, but who restrict themselves to the experience of clitoral and entrance orgasms. They are not familiar with the profound pleasures of an interal G-spot or cervical orgasm. The reason being that most men are not able to penetrate a woman deeply and long enough to provoke such orgasms. Another reason is ignorance about where to locate the G-Spot or Cervix. Most women simply don´t know where to map these spots as they are not in touch with their vagina. Too much shame, guilt and pain exists around their genital. Therefore for to the majority of women a G-spot or cervix orgasm is a city in china.
Woman lose their sexual energy not through ejaculation, but through explosive clitoral orgasms and excessive menstruation. In order to conserve her sexual energy, she has to move up the energy as well and experience deep inner body orgasms. She might use the same techniques 1 to 4 mentioned above for men. They are also applicable for women.
Feel free to inquire more about this subject, if you are interested.
Day 4 of breathwork