One of the most potent questions making me ponder on my life, its purpose and basically my whole believe system is “Who am I”? I mean who am I really, beyond all concepts and projections.
Am I simply an intelligent monkey, who is making money, procreating, building a home and paying his bills?…
“Who am I?”
I question myself, I question what I am doing and sometimes I ask myself if I should not just throw it all into the fire and start anew.
It has been a few years since I began to inquire about my own identity.
The more I learn to stay present with what is, the more the unreal parts of my being dissolve. However living in the west it is often quite difficult to stay simply with what is, as society is constantly pulling the attention outward. It is way easier to lose focus and get lost in the soap opera. There are so many distractions and it seems not many supports to the inner journey of self discovery.
Religion tells us that in the beginning only one source existed. This source of all life was unmanifested energy. It yearned for experience and therefore created itself in a distinct form which was not aware of its infinite nature. This, the human being wants to experience all pleasures of life and manifestation. Behind this craving still is the desire to experience oneself as the source of all. as devine and as love. Therefore noone will ever quench his thirst fully through sex, money or anything else of the material world. All those things are for sure valid and have their time and space to be discovered and experienced. At some point however in the evolution of the self a human being will find out that there is only one way to achieve freedom and that is by coming home again.
We all learn this lesson from incarnation to incarnation until we have no interest whatsoever in mundane achievements any longer. In that moment we drop the game and realize that continuing on the same road again will only render boredom and leave us unfulfilled. It is like the game of Monopoly. When we are small children and play it for the first time, we are so excited and get completely involved. We want to buy another street, another house and hotels. When our opponent has to pay for one of our hotels we get so excited. However as we go on playing for hours, which tends to happen in Monopoly especially when many people are engaged, we tend to get bored. At some point we might get so fed up that we willingly and happily give up our money only to get out of the crucial game. It is the same with life.
Funny enough realization, the coming back home is nothing you can attain actively through your own effort. You are already home. The only way to realize this fact is to bring your attention to the present moment. It is the recognition of what you already are, when after all trying you realize you will never get it. What you realize at some point that who think you are is not real. You are simply playing a role, as an actor who is performing the character of James Bond. The Form of the character is kept up by believes, conditioning, outer projections, name, fame and so on and so forth. At some point you will eventually realize that you are far more. Therefore turn your awareness inside and look, who is looking, who is asking “who am I”.
“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.” “ – Alan Watts
You will come to know that all the concepts yu have about yourself are constantly changing but the only thing that never changes is the pure awareness you are, the knowing “I am”.
“What you are looking for is already where you are looking from” – St. Francis
Look at being fully in the game as watching a movie in the cinema. First there is only a white screen (pure awareness), then you get absorbed into the movie of life and forget that you are only watching a movie. You get completely identified with the main character and even the emotions you feel are real. Still you are sitting in the cinema watching, you only forgot it. Your awareness is not affected by the screening, even though it is covered by the motion picture. Only the mind gets caught up. The more you learn to stay present and come back to what is, the less you get pulled into the drama. You will be more detached and experience great peace of mind. This meditation is intended for ripe souls, who want to stop playing Monopoly. However this does not mean that you are ment to stop playing all together. If you feel like you might as well keep on plying your part beautifully but without so much emotional trouble and sufferin, as you always feel the coolness of your own eternal presence.
Day 5 breathwork