Being in the hot Seat/the sausage experience
During the last days I received and also gave my first official rebirthing breathing sessions. All of them added value to my life, as I see more clearly now where I still have resistances and blockages, emotionally as well as physically. Whereas my first two breathing sessions were all about the physical body and purification, I now started to find emotional barriers, old thought patterns and believes in my subconscious, that have run my life for too long. As a child I chose to take on many unreasonable personal laws that now affect my life in stupid ways. Supposedly it had been easier that way, as I didn´t have to take on responsibility that way. Allow me to show you how I finally came to realize it, being fiercely burned like a sausage.
The day before yesterday after our breathing session and lunch we got together with Paula. She asked us to bring some money. Not knowing where this would go, wondering and being excited I got my wallet to meet the others at the kitchen table. Would I have known what was going to happen, I might have stayed in my room. I was about to get fried big time and shit was going to hit the fan.
Thus started the prosperity consciousness seminar.
First we went through our core beliefs about money and richness. We had to spontaneously write down our thoughts about money and the rich. It was interesting to understand that many of us had one or the other bad thought about money.
Next we had to write down the things we are most excited about in life and with that find creative ways of making money with them creating business plans and financial plans. That took quite some time. Then when I thought the seminar was kind of over, I was set on fire.
Paula paused, then looked me in the eyes and said, “so Arya you´re going to be the first needing your money.” Immediately I felt a little uncomfortable and uneasy. She continued asking, “How much is this seminar worth to you?”. Right then a bunch of thoughts, followed by unpleasant emotions welt up. I thought to myself: “If I am honest about the price and name it I´ll have to pay a bunch of money. I don´t want that, because I already paid quite a lot for the training. Furthermore I went through a similar seminar before in a training in Thailand. At the same time I believed this question to be some kind of unfair trickery to lull me into paying lots of money money. My throat closed. I sat there not wanting to say anything, speechless. Paula saw my instant reaction and asked: “What is going on there within you? What is it?” I felt embarrassed, but said that I had the felling that I soon had to pay her. “What else do you think?”, she continued. I thought that she wanted to trick me but that was nothing I wanted to share and I wanted to appear good instead of loosing my face. I felt put under a lot of pressure, sitting there all eyes on me and being judged. So I told her. “But what else”, she asked. The feeling I had can only be compared to a french fries being fried in hot greasy oil. My throat closed, I had headache, began to sweat, heat up and wished to disintegrate. “Well I feel really uncomfortable, pressured to pay more than is comfortable for me.” – “Where does this thought stem from – Is it reality?”, Paula inquired. “No it´s not, but that how it feels to me. I feel so pressured as everyone is watching me” I responded. “Well can you see that this is your story, your kind of poverty consciousness that creates this whole hell situation for you? How could I possibly take your money away from you without your consent? You are a grownup man.” It was only then that I realized that everything that was going on was an illusion, a belief that I had once acquired. This belief was that I could not speak up when it came to money and my own interest. A simple story that created a horrendous situation in the present and had done so several times in the past. When I realized this, the unpleasant physical feelings left. Yet still there was a little resistance left. Paula saw that and went on “but still there is more, what is it?”. The time on this hotchair in the focus of everyone was starting to burn me to ashes. I was asked to give insight into all my shit and make it accessible to everyone. Again I felt threatened, but answered: “Now my mind tells me the story that you made up this whole conversation in order to make me pay more, I am really ashamed of my thoughts and for believing them.” Paula smiled. Suddenly now that I had displayed myself fully my throat opened again, the physical heat disminuished and I felt better. “Ok I feel better now and ready for your questions” – “So how much is this seminar worth to you?” “100 bucks I” I answered. “And how much did you get from it already worth in money?” “500”, I said. “Now how much are you willing and can you pay comfortably for it?”asked Paula- “40”, I concluded. “Well so give me 40 then.” Hence I paid 40 dollars as a fee for the seminar. How completely retarded and insane had been my reaction before. Now I realized that and I felt ashamed but also proud that I had been able to look at my shit openly and making it visible to everyone. Paula had done a great job. I am very grateful for receiving a technique that allows me to revel where I am not authentic but a hypocrite.
Next day around the same time the hotchair was luckily past and a far more pleasant occasion waited. Vardha, Katka and I went to Staunton to the American Shakespeare Center, the only existing theater in the world that is built the same way Shakespeare´s theaters used to look like. It was amazingly beautiful, furnished fully from wood, with chandeliers and balconies. Before the play Henry the VI, part III started, the actors displayed their musical talents, singing and playing instruments as it was done in Shakespeare´s time. We sat down and I was even invited to take a seat on stage. After half an hour of amazing music the play started. The costumes looked wonderful and the brilliant acting pared with Shakespeare´s language charmed my senses. It was so much fun to see the characters of the war of the roses sway from left to right. I had the honor to read a letter that claimed the Throne of England for Edward, Duke of York. Time passed swiftly having such a great entertainment. For the battle scenes the crowd was invited to cheer and I had a tin litter with coins in it to shake at those occasions. Having watched the play, we returned inspired and contented to our center and our beds.